On praise

We live in a world where I tend to view anyone who approaches me with compliments skeptically. All too often, what follows “I think you were great” is some sort of spammy appeal to get something from me or get me to buy something.

It’s a horrifying world that we live in where even something like praise has to be viewed with suspicion.

Here’s a quick way to differentiate creepy praise from praise that works:

Bad: personal qualities

Avoid all of these:

• I think you’re smart.
• You’re the most erudite commentator I know.
• You’re a good writer.
• You’re pretty. [Ick.]

Good: how you were helped

Embrace all of these:

• Your book helped me write an effective book proposal.
• I often use your advice on how to write cold emails.
• Three people told me you’re the best person to work with to edit a manuscript.
• Even years later, your ideas on customer experience continue to be useful to me.

And to the spammers . . .

AI would be really good at faking praise in the second category.

Don’t do it. We’re not stupid. We can tell when you’re sincere and when you’re making it up.

And one more thing.

I don’t care if you think I’m great.

I care if you think what I have created is useful.

That’s the true measure of success.