The terrifying first time
We must all face the terrifying prospect of doing things for the first time, things we want to do but are afraid to do.
- Driving a car.
- Going to a college class.
- Going to a job interview.
- Managing people.
- Starting a business.
- Asking someone out.
- Sex.
- Having a child.
- Writing a book.
- Becoming sober.
- Speaking in front of a big audience.
You could cower in fear. Or you could plunge ignorantly and fearlessly ahead. Neither is likely to enable you to grow and maximize your chance for success.
Knowledgeable fear beats ignorant fear
Smart people tend to want to research the solution to their problems. Do a web search. Read a book. Ask ChatGPT.
ChatGPT’s answer is likely wrong. But the web and the book may be wrong, too.
It’s still worth learning as much as you can. Knowledge fortifies the soul.
And there are people who’ve done what you’re doing before. There’s a reason Alcoholics Anonymous is so popular. Whether you’re becoming sober or giving a speech or starting a business or having sex, there are people who’ve done it. Seek them out — it’s likely that they’ll be open to sharing what they’ve learned.
Coaches can be useful, too.
When you’ve done all you can to prepare, you’ll still be launching yourself into the unknown. There is no perfect state of preparedness. You’re still a virgin. Knowledge is always incomplete. There is always a residue of fear.
Do it anyway. Failure is still better than cowering.
Consider
How many new things must a child do? Eating food, walking, making friends, answering a question in class.
Children do something new almost every day. They have no choice.
If a child can do that, you can, too.
And then share what you’ve learned. The rest of us would like to benefit from your knowledge, to reduce our own fear a tiny bit.
Thanks.
Children experience ‘firsts’ all the time. Consequently they are failing all the time. Over and over, until they eventually figure it out. Yet, they are not embarrassed, and we don’t feel any lesser of them as they try and fail.
As adults, we experience fewer firsts. We get embarrassed when we do, and fail. We feel judged, although few peers are actually judging or even notice or care that much.
When I entered retirement, I set a personal goal to fail more frequently. That meant trying new things. Saying ‘yes’ even when it seems risky.
So far, I’ve failed at a good number of things, like learning to play the guitar, or reading a book a month. But I’ve also experienced new things I wouldn’t have otherwise. Like: competing in 5k races, touring and camping across the western U.S. on a motorcycle, or becoming competent in a new-to-me sport: rowing with a crew.
Several new ’first times’ led to a richer life once I got over the self-conscious fear of failure and potential embarrassment. Just do it.