Don’t stand so close to me

Don’t stand so close to me

Young students, so social,They crave friends like a drug.Not TikTok. Not Insta.They have to chat and hug. Their longing for friendshipOutlasts their parents’ rage.They gather, so close now,Like actors on a stage. Don’t stand so. Don’t stand so.Don’t stand so close to me.Don’t stand so. Don’t stand so.Don’t stand so close to me. The Boomers….

Inside the New York Times Editorial Board presidential endorsement
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Inside the New York Times Editorial Board presidential endorsement

What follows is a transcript of a secret recording of the meeting last week of the New York Times Editorial Board as it discussed who it will endorse for President in 2020. Moderator: Okay, everyone, settle down. We have a momentous responsibility today. As you know, all the best people who are deciding who to…

Newly discovered video reveals behind-the-scenes view of the WeWork IPO, in progress.
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Newly discovered video reveals behind-the-scenes view of the WeWork IPO, in progress.

Captions are so much fun. Why stop with one? “Dervish Airlines. How may I help you?” “I’m so sorry, Mr. Bond, but we’ve had some difficulty preparing the martini in the fashion that you requested.” “To get this claim started properly, could you please describe for me exactly how the accident occurred?” “The UK Brexiting:…

Captions from yesterday’s Oval Office meeting between Trump and Mark Zuckerberg. . .

Captions from yesterday’s Oval Office meeting between Trump and Mark Zuckerberg. . .

“Power is sexy, don’t you think?” “See, my hands are big. Very big. Yuge!” “On the Twitter, it’s totally free speech. Totally. Anyone can say anything, pretty much. You should look into that, they’re very successful.” “Do you know how to get sharpie off a computer screen?” “2020 is going to be a very good…

President Trump’s unseen draft tweets about Alabama

President Trump’s unseen draft tweets about Alabama

President Donald Trump backed the evangelical Republican favorite Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race, who lost to the Democrat, Doug Jones. Given his penchant for nasty revenge tweets, his response so far has been muted . . . but you haven’t seen the drafts he never sent. Here’s what he said: Congratulations to Doug…

Top 20 reasons voters are still undecided

Top 20 reasons voters are still undecided

Undecided voters. Time Magazine polled a bunch after the debate. Florida is so close that undecideds might tip it, which might tip the election. Who are these people?? Who, after everything that has happened in this election season, is still making up their mind? If you’re wondering, you’ve come to the right place. After careful research, I’ve…