Young students, so social,They crave friends like a drug.Not TikTok. Not Insta.They have to chat and hug. Their longing for friendshipOutlasts their parents’ rage.They gather, so close now,Like actors on a stage. Don’t stand so. Don’t stand so.Don’t stand so close to me.Don’t stand so. Don’t stand so.Don’t stand so close to me. The Boomers….
What follows is a transcript of a secret recording of the meeting last week of the New York Times Editorial Board as it discussed who it will endorse for President in 2020. Moderator: Okay, everyone, settle down. We have a momentous responsibility today. As you know, all the best people who are deciding who to…
Captions are so much fun. Why stop with one? “Dervish Airlines. How may I help you?” “I’m so sorry, Mr. Bond, but we’ve had some difficulty preparing the martini in the fashion that you requested.” “To get this claim started properly, could you please describe for me exactly how the accident occurred?” “The UK Brexiting:…
“Power is sexy, don’t you think?” “See, my hands are big. Very big. Yuge!” “On the Twitter, it’s totally free speech. Totally. Anyone can say anything, pretty much. You should look into that, they’re very successful.” “Do you know how to get sharpie off a computer screen?” “2020 is going to be a very good…
News reports suggest that President Trump is interested in purchasing the island of Greenland which is currently a possession of Denmark. We join the President at his first campaign rally in Nuuk Stadium, capacity 2,000, a football stadium in Greenland’s largest city. Wow. What a warm welcome! Not an empty seat in the house. Seems…
President Donald Trump backed the evangelical Republican favorite Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race, who lost to the Democrat, Doug Jones. Given his penchant for nasty revenge tweets, his response so far has been muted . . . but you haven’t seen the drafts he never sent. Here’s what he said: Congratulations to Doug…
It was a beautiful spring day in Washington when the two most powerful people in the free world held their first meeting. She sat primly on the striped couch, waiting. Her silver hair glistened in the sunlight; an active intelligence danced in her eyes. She’d been here before, in the presence of a succession of…
Regardless of what happens tonight, the future of our nation will depend on what Donald Trump says. He can heal the divisions in American that he has revealed, or he can inflame them. This is no game. But it can be for you, for just one night, because by now, we’re all sick of this….
Undecided voters. Time Magazine polled a bunch after the debate. Florida is so close that undecideds might tip it, which might tip the election. Who are these people?? Who, after everything that has happened in this election season, is still making up their mind? If you’re wondering, you’ve come to the right place. After careful research, I’ve…