The One Big Beautiful Euphemism Act
Congress is currently debating major legislation that would cut taxes, especially on corporations and richer Americans, and reduce spending on Medicaid and other programs. In what has to be a peak of Orwellian silliness and as a tribute to how President Trump speaks, it’s called the One Big Beautiful Bill Act.
But before you blame Republicans for reaching the pinnacle of absurdly obfuscatory legislation naming, consider that this comes as the ultimate in a long line of misleadingly and ironically named laws.
Legislative Euphemism Hall of Fame
These are perhaps the most consequential pieces of legislation or proposed legislation with ironic names passed by either party:
Inflation Reduction Act (2022). The main goals of the inflation reduction act were to invest in clean energy, reduce seniors’ spending on Medicare and prescription drugs, extend the affordable care act (“Obamacare”), levy a minimum corporate tax, and fund the IRS. That’s a consequential set of goals, but inflation reduction isn’t anywhere near the top. A better name would be the “Minor Corporate Tax, Energy Subsidy, and Health Adjustment,” but nobody could campaign on the supporting the McTesha.
CARES Act (Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security Act, 2020). Passed because when a pandemic hits and an economic recession is looming, government has to do something. And naturally, the acronym has to spell something worthy. It featured direct payments to Americans (remember those $1,200 checks?), unemployment expansion, aid to large corporations including airlines, state and local government support grants, hospital funding, and forgivable loans called the Paycheck Protection Program that were widely abused. Could far more accurately have been called the 6P Act: Pandemic Panic Payoff and Palm-Greasing Perquisite Plan.
Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (2017). Tax cuts, indeed. This law lowered the corporate tax rate from 35% to 21%, doubled the standard deduction, created a 20% deduction for some LLCs (I use that one), limited deductions for mortgages and local taxes, and repealed the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act. Taxpayers making $50K or less saw about a 1% reduction, while those earning more than $150K — the top 20% — got more like 3% back. There was no discernible impact on jobs. Could have been named the Money Back Especially for Rich Folks And Corporations Act, or MBERFAC. Catchy.
Affordable Care Act (2010). Created the health care system we all live in now in America, including charming elements like in-network physicians and facilities, deductibles, and premiums that rise 5% to 10% a year. Under free-market medicine, lots of people wouldn’t be covered by insurance and would die sooner. Under a socialized medicine plan like Canada’s or the UK’s, waits would be longer but costs would likely be lower. But nobody would vote for the “Sorta-Capitalist Private Equity-Supporting Health Profit but Trust Me it Could Be Much Worse” act. Even attempting to create an acronym for that would give you a brain hemorrhage.
No Child Left Behind Act (2001). Thank this one for creating an educational system completely focused on teaching to standardized tests. Should have been deemed the T5 Act: Turning Teachers into a Tool for Terminating Thinking.
USA PATRIOT Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism, 2001). Passed in the wake of the 9-11 attacks, this legislation wins the prize for the most tortured acronym, which is ironic since it helped make torture an instrument of policy. In the name of security, it ushered in a major expansion of the police state including wiretapping, email monitoring, delayed notice of search warrants, information sharing among intelligence and law enforcement, financial tracking, and immigration enforcement. The TSA followed soon after. At the time, we couldn’t know that this should have been called TEASE: the Terrorism Excuse Argument for Surveillance Everywhere.
What about the One Big Beautiful Bill?
The One Big Beautiful Bill Act makes tax cuts permanent; exempts tips, overtime pay, and car loan interest from taxes; cuts Medicaid funding and food stamps; gives every new baby $1,000; increases defense funding; rolls back green energy incentives; bans state-level regulation of AI; abolishes IRS direct file; and makes it harder for judges to enforce contempt rulings. And it adds trillions to the deficit.
It is big.
It is far from beautiful.
But it is a complete grab-bag of stuff crammed into one bill because of the filibuster and deficit reduction rules that would otherwise require 60 votes in the Senate, an impossible hurdle to clear.
Would it pass if they accurately called it the Dog’s Breakfast Act?
Probably.