Ridiculous email disclaimers
Don’t waste words. That includes meaningless disclaimers at the bottom of your emails.
This week I dismantled a recruiting email with an astoundingly low meaning ratio of 6%. At the bottom of that email was the following disclaimer:
Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
This message (including any attachments) is confidential and may be privileged. It may be read, copied and used only by the intended recipient. If you have received it in error please contact the sender (by return E-Mail) immediately and delete this message. Any unauthorized use or dissemination of this message in whole or in part is strictly prohibited. Please note that, for organisational reasons, the personal E-Mail address of the sender is not available for matters subject to a deadline.
This is so dumb that I have to have a little fun with it. Here’s why:
- No one can enforce a contract sending you an email. A contract requires consent, and an exchange of value — ask any lawyer. Ken Camp, the target of this email, consented to nothing and received no value. This “contract” is the legal equivalent of chanting “Nyaah, nyahh, you’re a doo-doo-head” and expecting the recipient to actually turn into a doo-doo-head.
- It’s logically freaky. The disclaimer says the email can only be read by the intended recipient. I’m not the intended recipient. The only way I know about that threat is because I read the email — which the disclaimer prohibits! I’ve just been sucked into an M.C. Escher drawing. Reductio ad absurdum.
- It prohibits its own reply. If you received this email and replied to it, your reply includes a copy of the email. You’re sending it (back) to someone who isn’t the original intended recipient, and therefore isn’t allowed to read it. Please turn yourself in to the closest authority for prosecution.
- It’s passive-aggressive. Only cowards make passive-aggressive threats (“may be read . . . only by,” “strictly prohibited.”) As with all passive constructions, we don’t know where the threat is coming from. But we know it’s serious because of the “strictly.” We’ve graduated from “You’re a doo-doo head” to “You’re in big trouble now.”
- It lacks the Oxford comma. And it spells email “E-Mail.” How annoying.
- It uses “please” to hide how offensive it is. It’s a nice threat. Please consider the environment, please contact the sender. And most offensively, please make a note that, for reasons of our own convenience, we don’t respond to our own email address. This sender is happy to clutter up your inbox with meaningless drivel but doesn’t promise to respond.
[tweetthis twitter_handles=”@jbernoff”]There’s nothing more offensive than using “please” to conceal your own rudeness.[/tweetthis]
There is stuff that belongs at the bottom of your email, like your name and contact info. And there are even legitimately required legal disclaimers (for example “This is not a solicitation to buy securities.”). But unless you’re giving legal advice or selling stocks, there’s no excuse for your email disclaimer.
Extra words dilute meaning. Disclaimers ask to be ignored, but at the same time nag us with the worry that we might get in trouble if we do. Impotent, contradictory, passive-aggressive, obsequiously rude disclaimers aren’t just filler. They actively communicate that your company doesn’t trust its employees, has lawyers that are paranoid idiots, and values a half-a-gram of false safety more than the tons of time it asks of its customers.
Don’t be rude. If your company puts a worthless disclaimer on its emails, get rid of it.
I agree.
Disclaimer: This comment (including any non-existent attachments) may or may not be confidential and may or may not be privileged. It may be read, copied and used only by the intended recipient or recipients, or perhaps by others. If you have viewed it in error please remember not to do that, and delete this comment from your short-term memory. Any unauthorized use, dissemination or re-broadcast of this comment in whole or in part is strictly, profoundly, and indisciminately prohibited by the NFL. Please note that, for organisational reasons, the personal E-Mail address of the commenter is not available for matters pertaining to Facebook privacy notices. Please disregard your faux environmental guilty conscience by printing out this blog post and all of its comments in triplicate, and storing them in separate safe deposit boxes. This disclaimer is void where prohibited by common sense.
Nice. Hey Steve – been a while.
“This disclaimer is void where prohibited by common sense.”
Brilliant.
Howdy there, Phil!!!
I’d also argue that it encourages the recipient to ignore the “meat” of the e-mail, if it in fact exists.
Amen to Josh and Steve!
Better keep an eye over your shoulder, Josh. By eliminating email disclaimers, you’ve just spelled the demise of 10 percent of the corporate attorney population. Keep up the good work!
Easy boy… some of these are required by law and risk reduction, even if only slight, trumps brevity for any enterprise to succeed in our suit – happy culture. Found this insightful: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/business-career/legal/are-email-disclaimers-legally-binding
The article supports my point that the only value of these disclaimers is to make it clear that email implies no contract.
It says “The short answer is that, although some disclaimers are legally useful, and a few are even required, most of them have limited effect. But they rarely do any harm, which is why people tend to use them.”
I argue that all extra words do harm. Including mostly useless disclaimers.
The following is FOUR PARAGRAPHS that a teacher uses as her signature in email. She sent it to me in return after I had sent her a 2019 podcast episode of Rabbi Daniel Lapin mocking the Environmentalism Religion in “Why so Many Smart People Believe in Climate Change” (great episode all should listen, but apparently not all wake up). See Below what she sent me……….
“OPEN RECORDS NOTICE: This email and responses may be subject to Texas Open Records laws and may be disclosed to the public upon request. Please respond accordingly.
“This message and all attachments are confidential and may be protected by the attorney-client privilege or other legal privileges, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, the Individual with Disabilities Education Act, as well as other state and federal laws. Any review, use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, copying, disclosure or distribution by persons other than the intended recipient(s) is prohibited and may be unlawful. If you received this transmission in error, please notify the sender by reply email and delete this message and any attachments, in any form, without disclosing it.
“Notice: This message is a private communication. It may contain privileged or confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient, do not read, copy, forward or use it. Do not disclose it to others without the sender’s permission. Notify the sender of any delivery error by replying, then deleting it & any attachments from your systems.
“Notice: This message is a private communication. It may contain privileged or confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient, do not read, copy, forward or use it. Do not disclose it to others without the sender’s permission. Notify the sender of any delivery error by replying, then deleting it & any attachments from your systems.”
Completely insane, yes. By the way, thank you for this article. I think if I add any disclaimer it would be simply this:
“Treat the reader’s time as more valuable than your own. Omit useless disclaimers.”
In addition, people can also use the link to this page included in their signature.
https://bernoff.com/blog/ridiculous-email-disclaimers
Again, thank you. I will bookmark your website and keep checking back to read more of your interesting stuff.