Regrets

One of the best things about being 65 is the full set of experiences I have to look back on.

That includes what I regret and what I don’t. I don’t know if these would be the same for you, but they’re at least worth considering.

I regret all the people I treated badly, even those who deserved it. I don’t regret all the people I treated well, even if they were terrible people or my actions didn’t pay off.

I don’t regret any time I stood up for quality, regardless of how many extra hours it took — or even when the result ended up not be worth the effort. Quality is its own reward.

I don’t regret treating every work-related task as an opportunity for problem-solving. But I do regret failing to understand how to work better with my fellow humans.

Everything I was required to learn along the way in my career, I don’t regret. I don’t regret learning to write well, attain influence, become a good public speaker, or manage multiple tasks and people at once. I don’t even regret the painful mistakes I made along the way.

There were cases where being dishonest would have benefited me, and no one would have known. I resisted. I don’t regret those decisions, and if I had made them the other way, I would certainly regret them now.

I know there are people who ended up detesting me, or at least feeling ambivalent about me. I regret the things I did that caused them to feel that way, but I don’t regret that there are so few of them.

I don’t regret leaving any of my jobs, even those from which I was laid off. Every transition was an opportunity for growth.

I don’t regret any of the freelance clients I turned down, even when they could have been quite lucrative. I do regret a few of those I took — just a few — but the nature of most freelance work is that it is over quickly and you can learn from your mistakes.

The people who did unforgivable things, who I forgave anyway: I don’t regret.

I don’t regret leaving academia, even though at the time it was a very difficult decision. It was like escaping from a cult.

I don’t regret any of the romantic relationships that ended, regardless of who dumped whom. I could not have gotten to the right one without all the wrong ones. And hey, I get to keep the memories.

There were moments when I wondered if I should leave my wife. We all have such moments. Staying instead was the smartest thing I ever did — I have not the slightest regret about that.

I regret the things I said in anger to my children. Apparently I did and said enough of the right things that they still get along with me and respect me. That’s a credit to them far more than it is to me.

I regret making precipitous financial decisions when I could have hedged instead. When it comes to finance, always ask, is there a way to split the difference? That attitude reduces gains, but moderates risks as well.

I don’t regret living below my means. I don’t regret failing to buy new cars, new electronics, vacation homes, or anything else others in my income bracket could apparently afford. The result is that I am now debt-free and secure, with a paid off house and children with college degrees but no college debt.

I regret the times that I was driven by a competitive impulse. Winning is short-lived, losing sucks.

I regret that I didn’t spend enough time with true friends. Some of them are gone now, and I can never get them back.

I regret my lifelong love of sweet things. I don’t regret my lack of interest in alcohol, drugs, or caffeine.

I don’t regret blogging every weekday, even if it sometimes feels like a sign of mental illness.

I have made hundreds of thousands of puns. I regret none of them. Even if the people around me may regret a few . . .

Thanks for listening.