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Advice I don’t give

ByJosh Bernoff

I don’t tell Black people how to be Black people.

I don’t tell gay people how to be gay.

I don’t tell Muslims what they should care about, or Catholics, or Orthodox Jews.

I don’t tell Canadians how to be Canadian.

I don’t tell working class people how they should live their lives.

I don’t tell childless people what they should do.

I don’t tell MAGA types how to think.

I have no experience with what is like to be one of these people, so how could I possibly believe I could tell them what to do?

I have ideas . . .

I have ideas that are useful to marketers, even though I’ve never really been one.

I have ideas about management, although I was never a very good manager.

I have ideas about entrepreneurship, although I’ve never run a startup.

I have ideas about parenting, but they may not apply to your situation.

I have ideas about customer experience, although I’m no expert.

I know a think or two about homeschooling from having homeschooled my two children, but those insights may or may not be helpful for your children.

I have these ideas because I try to be thoughtful and learn from experience. That doesn’t make me an expert.

But I do have expertise

I know an awful lot about writing from decades of dedicated study and experience, and I’ll share that with you if you think it will help.

I’ve contributed to more than 70 nonfiction book projects. I probably know more about what it will take for your book to succeed than you do, if this is your first book.

I’ve been blogging and content marketing for more than 20 years. What I’ve learned is likely to be helpful to lots of people.

I’ve run dozens of surveys and written extensively about the results. I know how to collect and analyze data, and I’m not shy about sharing that knowledge when it’s appropriate.

I was an analyst for 20 years. I’m pretty knowledgeable about what it takes to succeed as an analyst.

After 35 years, I know an awful lot about what it takes to live in happiness and harmony with my wife. My knowledge does not apply to your relationship, and since my wife is taken, I’m the only one with an opportunity to apply this knowledge.

What lots of us get wrong

My principle is: I give advice on things I’m expert on — when people ask for it. I carefully observe the things I’m not yet an expert on, and try to learn. And I don’t give advice where I don’t have experience.

Sometimes I think the world would be better off if we all followed these principles. But that’s just me. What do you think?

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5 Comments

  1. Great post. I’d love to hear your and others’ responses: When someone does ask for advice but they don’t take it, why does the advice giver get upset? To me, the seeker was just asking for an opinion on what do in a situation (and the advice giver likely has only some of the facts). The seeker is simply looking for different points of view, and then they’ll formulate their own plan. Should a giver be upset, or this just their ego getting in the way?

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  2. Thank you for the laundry list of sound actions / non-advise. Did your wife do the homeschooling or were you responsible for creating and implementing the annual curriculum, as well? I home schooled my three children all the way – all went to uni; and one has a PhD. It worked just fine. I have my book manuscript in revision again, the cover created and dedication written (haha – NOT to my kids). My big stumbling block is deciding my best publishing option. (I have read your books and listened to a number of your interviews/podcast). Thank you for speaking logically and understanding the process. I only wish I could afford you! Thanks again. Connie in Alabama

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  4. You are more like your father every day. That is the greatest compliment I could ever give you.

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